Pluto and Our Ever-Changing LivesApril 20, 2021
“I’m living and dying simultaneously. I’m holding both “ Deneen Fendig , midnight gospel
Pluto had been one planet in my astrology studies that had been so illusive and far out of my grasps. Just when I thought I got it, it deteriorated from the inside out and I was left scratching my head again. Little did I know, what I struggled with was exactly the point.
It shouldn’t have been that hard. I understood the concepts of its basic keywords: power, intense focus, death, destruction, rebirth, transformation. But for some reason in the beginning, I kept avoiding it in charts. I chocked it up to being a far reaching outer planet that didn’t have a lot to say in personal lives. Unless it showed a prominent position right off the bat, it otherwise went unnoticed to me for awhile.
But that’s what it does too, right?
As my teacher, Austin Coppock said, “it’s the burning of a hole in a canvas”. It is both an enigma and a nuclear blast. It creeps up slowly, then seers its eyes into your soul. It’s transformation and it’s a reckoning.
When we find Pluto entering new signs, there’s a monumental shift that can also be so subtle we barely recognize it’s presence at its start. It’s usually not until it’s last degrees that it begins to reveal its long term imploding “plan”, sometimes even waiting until centuries later to realize what happened.
For me, personally, it entered my 6th house when I had shed an old part of my life, diving into a completely different career at the time. My daily routines completely shifted. I went from sitting at a desk all day to being on my feet in a slow dance to massage therapy. It’s also when I started to feel deep pains and buzzing in my body that I had never felt before. I dismissed the pains as getting “older” and “having a physical job”, in my youthful-just-turned 30 year old body. And for another decade, I continued pushing away the realities of Pluto’s pressure on my body. Eventually it pulled up old trauma and worked its way through my mental health until I was a deteriorated shell sobbing, in late night hours, on the shower floor.
Though currently it’s still just sitting at 26 degrees Capricorn, I have felt it’s last act in the past year, especially when Saturn and Jupiter decided to crash its moody lone party. To be fair and to honor others, 2020 living in the United States has had a major impact and profound loss on everyone collectively and personally, but for the first time, I felt it on my own personal level in real time. Seeing so many fall sick around me, deaths day after day, many of whom I knew. Hearts broken wide open on so many levels has left me without words. As it slowly creeps towards my natal Mercury opposite Mars, in less than a degree, thoughts come and go quickly where they are but just “burning holes in a canvas”. The brain fog that has enveloped my mind and smothered my short term memory is overwhelming. The fact that I’m writing this right now, with little stumbling is a miracle in itself, so I am writing as quickly as possible so it doesn’t disappear again.
The pains that Pluto has brought to my body and mind over these years, though, have finally become answers. Revelations I never realized I would be saying about myself. I wish I could say they’re “good” but they’re also not “bad”. That is how Pluto manifests. It is not one or the other, it just is. As my other teacher, Mary Novotny, said it’s a power point. Power can be both good and bad or neither.
And so I look inside myself, from the outside, and I look outside myself through a tunnel to others. The last few degrees of Capricorn are in motion and as per usual Pluto, I can’t see clearly. It’s still in dark tunnels as we fumble for some type of light at the end. My own footing is slightly better, but only because I’m constantly learning to quiet when I need to, listen and then proceed again. It is also not I, alone; traveling alone only shows one point of view. So I again stop, allow myself to step back for others to guide and then move accordingly. I understand there is an end to this particular tunnel and hold that there is a beginning too.
I believe Pluto only backtracks when it’s purpose is to catch what we may have missed, that intense need to seek out every tiny space. And that is also how Pluto manages to hold both living and dying at the same time, as we travel through this world burning through the atmosphere.
Photo by Cathy Podd 2019
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